Hello IB,New here, been reading some posts and talking in chat the last couple of days, trying to get a feel of this place before I posted my story/situation.And after a slight attack in the chat the other day, I’m a little more reserved about telling all this than I thought I was going to be.I’ll start at the begining and work my way up to present.I was an unexpected, and later revealed unwanted pregnancy.Mom was plenty stressed as it was, with the two she already had, the last thing she needed was another one.I was born two months early (due to a car accident) and breech to boot. What a start to life that was.Skip a few years, to age 4-5; at an aunts house, in an older cousin’s bedroom. “Hey, c’mere … I wanna’ show you something REALLY neat Just kneel down, close your eyes … and open your mouth”. Not knowing any better, I did just that. Next memory I have is my mouth suddenly filling up with something hot and liquidy. I honestly cannot remember what happened next, did I freak out? Did I spit, or throw up? … Dear god, did I swallow it? …. I just don’t remember. And don’t think I want to at this point. (there were a couple more incendences involving him, none sexual, but not fun) I never told anyone untill about 2 years ago. I told my mom. She was rather upset, not that I didn’t tell her all those years, but because they KNEW what he was and left me alone with him anyway, she said she was so sorry. From family grapevines I learned that not only was he put in jeuvey for car theft, but later thrown in prison for the same thing he did to me … molesting a little kid.And I’m sure more than a couple of you know what they do to child molesters in prison. Skip a few more years to 6-11 Baby sitters. Up to this point we were usually watched by family, friends or neighbors. Family was the worst, one brought bullets (that I played with) another brought coke (that I played with). But the Hs were a family my parents knew through their job. Husband, wife, daughter, daughter, son. The son tortured me, like boys do. The daughters however had another hobby. Me. The older sister had me most of the time. She would take me into her closet and put her hand in my pants. she would have me put my hand in her pants (I remember thinking feels like spiderwebs, and it’s really sweaty down there) she would take me to another room, sit me on her lap on a couch, throw a blanket over me and have me nurse on her (no, no milk) The other sister only flashed me a few times, and one time she got caught doing it and said I did it. She tried to drown me in a public swimming pool later that day. Thank god the older sister saved me.Now we’re in my early preteen/adolecent years 11-14 Cousins.My mom’s sister, married my father’s brother. So us kids, and my cousins were close to brother/sister to eachother. I have two older brothers, they have son, daughter, daughter, daughter.And I “fooled around” with all four of them.The older two I went further with (her thanks to him, he arranged it somehow), with him when we played house, I would feel his thing … later masturbate him.. later perform oral on him …. later recived anal from him.With the older sister when we played we just got naked and played with each other’s bits, pushed our bodies together and kissed.The middle daughter had a huge crush on me at the time and she let me play with her bits on car rides and in my room. (close to caught on that one)The youngest daughter I regret the most, she was by far much too young for it to be any kind of “learning experience” … all she did was touch my bits .. no masturbation, no “fooling around” just had her touch me. I should have had better control over my hormones. I am guilt stricken over that and wish I could take it back. … … and I poked my oldest brother’s hard penis through his jeans once.And that’s my experiences with incest to date.Except that lately I’ve had thoughts about wanting a sexual relationship with my mom.I remember about 10 or so years ago, I would get a vibe or a feeling, or an inkling, or any other word to describe a barely sensed sense, that she was feeling that way about me … it wasn’t in overt looks, or gestures … it was so much more subtle than that.But at the time I was such a mess in my head about who I was, what I was, that I never took the oppritunity to talk to her about it.And here’s a twist, a little over a year ago, I “came out” to my parents (and myself in a way) takes a deep breath as a transsexual woman. (the woman trapped in a man’s body syndrome)I’ve known it all my life .. just never knew what “it” was, till I started growing up, and especially when I discovered the web. WOW i thought there’s other people like me out there, I’m not a one of a kind freak.To this day I don’t know how my parents missed the tale tell signs (having more girl friends than boy friends, playing house not war, not active in sports, took sewing, cooking and family planning classes instead of shop, tech ed, electronics, got caught wearing make up, and women’s clothes, always wanted my hair long like moms, collected stuffed bears, favorite color pink) other than not being there for my early development, and not showing much interest when ther were there.(out of the not so close family, mom and I were always the closest …. she even confessed to me being her favorite, the one she can count on most)When I told them, dad didn’t say much of anything at all other than he won’t disown me. Mom said “whatever makes you happy” … I spent a week or two talking to her about it, about my past, about my feelings and fears …. and on some level it brought us just a little closer.(btw, no I have not had any surgeries yet, or even started hormones, money is very tight and I can’t afford to get started yet … which kills me a little every day)Wow, this went way longer than I planned, sorry.I’ll stop here, and fill in blanks, details, and answers another time.Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.Best Wishes Take Care Y’allwayoutgirl